Tuesday, September 09, 2008

There once was a Legionnaire from Nantucket...

A couple of posts back in the comments, Rivers mentioned that someone had some Legionnaire limericks. They are surprisingly G-rated, as compared to some of the PG-13 ones he's got; of course, limericks are typically much naughtier (as suggested by the title of this post). Here are Michael X. MacArthur's tributes to Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, and Cosmic Boy.

My challenge: create an existing Legionnaire limerick. If you want to be dirty, that's fine, just replace the naughty words with some dashes or something.

Here's one to start you off:

Jimmy Olsen was a Lad named Elastic
He could stretch his whole body like plastic
He thought in his head,
"I'm Mr. Action in bed
And the ladies all call me fantastic."

Update: here's the partial limerick from the big HQ map in LSH v4 #26, as mentioned in the comments.


peter vandeneng said...

i seem to remember a 5YL era HQ map that had a (partial) limerick scrawled on it... something about "a durlan from venus who always shapeshifted his..."

YUP. found it. v4#26; part 1 of 'terra mosaic'

LOVED that map...

Jim Drew said...

SNAP! Not dirty and a fairly clean scan!

Ultra Boy's name is Jo Nah
His Bgztlian squeeze is Tinya
When he was believed dead or lost
He had piratical thoughts
Did Ms. Wazzo care? La de dah!

OGC Lawyer said...

With apologies, I can't get your editor to recognize my entry. Here is a link to my own blog:


Michael X. McArthur said...

Thank you for the mention. Having been mentioned in your fine publication knocks one more thing from my "bucket list".

exnihil said...

There used to be a whole thread at the DCMB with tons of them, but it looks like it was deleted. Here are a pair of baseball themed ones I contributed:

The Legion's baseball team, I've heard,
Has for years with this lineup endured:
Fielders- Lar, Jo, and Kal
Catcher- Gim, Pitcher- Val
And Luornu at First, Second, and Third

and the sequel:

When I penned the above, I do fear,
I missed Vi at Shortstop (how queer!)
Well, it must be confessed
She does play her best
When she plays so short you can't see 'er

exnihil said...

Now, I've got the bug. A couple more, just slightly dirty:

Condo Arlik had his share of faults.
What I tell you, in no way, exhalts.
You see: a reaction sped
Is no good in bed
Where he danced a "one minute waltz"


On a bathroom stall, scribbled in pencil:
"For a good time, just call Tenzil
When you want something eaten
That guy can't be beaten
And I've heard that his tongue is prehensile."

exnihil said...

You're gonna kill me, Michael, but once my limerick switch goes off, I can't stop... so... one more two-parter:

I once heard a tale that was lyrical
As told by a lad who's quite spherical
He said, "My name's Chuck,
Can you believe my dumb luck?
I got in the Legion... it's a miracle!"

I said, "For telling tales, you've a knack.
But there's one more detail I lack.
I heard when they announced you,
The Legion just bounced you?"
Said he, "True... but then I just bounced back!"

Michael X. McArthur said...

The gauntlet has been thrown.

Legionnaire Matter Eater Lad
Can take on the evilest cad.
If you face him, show class
And don't say, "Bite my ___."
Or you'll be flatter, leaner, sad.

Dave P. said...

There once was a lad called Brainy,
Who never was caught acting zany,
He's a mechanical whiz,
A 12th level mind is his;
He even fixes Omnicoms that look grainy!

I've heard of a man named Ranzz,
Who makes lightning shoot out of his hands;
With Rokk who puts metal in binds,
And Imra the girl who reads minds,
All in that Legion of Brande's.

exnihil said...

Some folks said Tyroc was daft
"It's blaxploitation," they laughed
Well, I won't be so crass
As to say, "Watch your a__",
But he's teamed up with Luke Cage and Shaft.

Michael X. McArthur said...

Let's keep this party rolling --

Consider our little friend Gates,
A Supporter of worker-run states.
It's quire a phenommie
A Legionnaire commie!
What's next? Transexuals! Great!